I often feel as if I am a juggler and everyone is watching me. I strive so hard to remain positive and give off positive vibes to others yet there are times I just can’t keep up. I want to be the perfect wife that keeps a perfect home and cooks perfect meals. I want to be the perfect mother who has everyone on a schedule and we all sit down at the dining room table for dinner. I want to be the perfect Christian that truly studies the bible every day and takes all the elderly people food. I want to have a successful business where everyone is pleased with my services. I want to make straight A’s in school and graduate college with a 4.0. I want to have an amazing blog where everyone who reads it thinks “I want to be just like her” and I want to do all of this while looking like a million bucks! I want to have the strength that is required to successfully juggle all of these desired traits…but that is not reality. Even at my strongest moments, life always throws me a curve ball. And something more exhausting than keeping up with all of these tasks is pretending to.
I am far from being the perfect wife. I use to keep the house mega clean but then all I did was gripe at my husband constantly now it is lucky to get cleaned once a week. I cook, sometimes, but when you have work all day, then you have ballgame, it is so much easier to just go get something and honestly I’m not even the one who goes and gets something, it is usually my husband. He irons his own clothes and sometimes even mine because I am always running late.
I am definitely not the perfect mom. I once got so busy cleaning house that I forgot to feed my kids!! (OK it was more than once). I have been so scatterbrained that I left my daughter at church! I let them watch too much TV. I will say, I am GREAT at making schedules…we just don’t stick to them. My kids are lucky to make it to bed before midnight on school nights. My daughter, who is 13 still sleeps in my room on a cot. We have family meetings at least once a week where I make proclamations such as “Starting Monday, we are going to bed at 9:00. You will do your homework first thing when you get home from school. Showers are a must, put on your PJs, and NO SLEEPING IN MINE AND DADS ROOM!!!” I can’t think of one single time that we have ever sat at the dinner table to eat unless the table at Whataburger counts. They both had Facebook and cell phones long before I should have allowed it! And right now as I write this, my son is making his own dinner.Yet I think they are happy considering they both stay home the majority of the time even though they are both teenagers and my son can drive.
A perfect Christian??? HA…and I don’t think I am alone in this one! Considering NO ONE is perfect except Christ Himself. I am nowhere even near perfection here. I try to read my Bible every day but I don’t truly study it like I should and sometimes I just listen to it while I am doing other things. I have stayed home from church to clean my house or just to be lazy. I watch movies that I know I shouldn’t. I don’t tell others about His amazing grace near as often as I should. I am scared to witness to people. I put other things before God. I engage in gossip. I have lost my temper and said things I shouldn’t. I am not always as friendly as I should be. I have judged others. And worst of all, according to the Bible, I have had affairs with multiple movie stars… some that have been dead for 10 or 20 years (Paul Newman and William Holden). Though I am not a perfect Christian, I do know that God is the one person who does love me no matter what I do and I am ashamed that I don’t return that love like I should.
Between wrestling school, work, my business, and blogging, how can any of them be perfect? I do not devote enough time to any of them. When I am doing school work I am thinking about blogging. When I am at work I am thinking about my business. My work gets done. I do have a 4.0 but it is at the cost of neglecting other things. I haven’t devoted any time to my business the past couple of months. And sometimes, when I know I should be putting work into these things, I just plop down and watch a movie!
As far as looking like a million bucks, the only reason I even get dressed every day is because I work. I am over weight with absolutely no desire to work out and a huge desire to eat donuts.
On the rare occasion of being as close to perfect as I am ever going to get (usually follows an episode of getting my life together) something always happens! My daughter throws up on the rug I just shampooed, my sewer stops up, my laptop dies in the middle of writing a paper (NO I DID NOT SEE THE BLINKING BATTERY AT THE BOTTOM!!!), my husband wants to fry chicken or, our nights and weekends are busy for the next four weeks!
I am never going to be that woman that I vision in my head and when I really stop and think about it, I don’t know that I ever want to be her because honestly most of THOSE women homeschool their kids and I don’t like my kids THAT much!!!! ←Just kidding I love them very much, but I love them for who they are and that reminds me I need to be me and me is not perfect! I will just keep satisfying these desires with Pinterest. I am a great pinner!