OK, before you get all huffy puffy at me, hear me out! I do watch movies and I do love to read but… something I have noticed by watching so many movies and reading so many books is the feelings they evoke within me.
To start with, one of the greatest miss conceptions, of love, is it is something that a person feels. Love is not a feeling, it is a choice. When you make a good choice, concerning love, then feelings can accompany that choice. New relationships often start with attraction which people mistake as love or lust which is also mistaken (especially by ladies) as love, but love is something you consciously choose to give someone and accept from someone. Those butterflies that you feel in a new relationship are nerves and if you will really think about it, those butterflies and racing heart were often accompanied by doubt, fear, and insecurity.
Movies and books have created a warped sense of love. My husband hates chick flicks and (if I could even get him to watch one) 10 minutes into the movie he would tell me how it was going to end and most the time he was right on. These movies always involve 2 people who either hate each other in the beginning or are not the right match for each other. Then they realize they love each other only to find out some secret about the other that they can never forgive or a misunderstanding happens. The story always ends with one of the 2 chasing the other to an airport, train station, or some other destination symbolizing the absolute end. The 2 embrace and instantly forgive each other and end in a kiss in the sunset, in the rain, or some other crazy romantic setting.
Uhhhhhh…where is the arguing, fighting, screaming crying, pouting, immature and idiotic behavior that usually occurs!
Women are left with this fluttering heart feeling where they can almost feel the love that transpired and then they turn around and there is her husband who NEVER does anything THAT romantic! She begins to wonder,” where has that feeling gone in MY marriage”? Do I even love him anymore?!?!?!
Most of the time, that post movie feeling passes as people move on with their lives, but it is that feeling that keeps women coming back for more, to a point where they decide they must have that same feeling that they get when they watch a movie. These movies and books leave feelings of dissatisfaction. They create false realities that women want to be a part of. How many women wanted to go be a vampire after reading the Twilight series?!?!?! Guilty!!!
Most women have a strong desire to be adored and to have a man sweep her off of her feet.
Movies and books create these men that are completely infatuated with women. Men that would wait 20 years for his girl to come back to him. Men that, despite how many other men are chasing the object of their affection, will patiently wait on the woman to make up her mind. Men who give up their friends careers and anything else they enjoy, just to be with this women. Men that brush the woman’s face softly before giving her a passionate kiss (in the rain)!!!
My super wise sister once said that Chick Flicks are like women’s pornography.
First of all, the only thing men are infatuated with is their hobby, whether it is sports, fishing, golf, video games, or any other thing that they enjoy doing. Secondly, I don’t believe that there is a man out there who would wait on the love of his life to come back to him! Seriously, who’s going to do his laundry for all those years?!?! They for sure will not sit back and let other men mack on their woman and if the woman is “undecided” on who she loves, I am pretty sure that the man will not wait around to find out. They have short attention spans, they really don’t think about things nearly as deep as women do. They do have the power to be romantic but it is for special moments, not every kiss can be like the movies.
Have you ever watched a movie where the couple are just waking up and begin kissing??? Uh hello, what about their nasty morning breathe?
Love is hard. You bring someone into your life and at a certain point you decide that you love them. Life is hard. Once you have made this decision to love someone, you then choose to love them through the rough times in life. There are times when you feel as if you hate each other’s guts. Then there are times when you feel so blessed to get to spend so much time with someone who loves you for who you are, with or without make-up.
I have an amazing husband! He is not romantic at all and it has taken me 17 years of marriage to accept the fact that I am never going to get that kiss in the rain. He has tried to be romantic, but honestly it is just not him and it ends up being kind of weird. I do know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he loves me and he takes care of me.
Don’t get me wrong, I still watch movies…I don’t really read because I tend to get lost in a book and don’t get anything else done, but I do love to read. But they are stories, not reality and keeping that separate in my mind is imperative to being happy with my own relationships and myself.
So before you decide to trade in your husband for a Noah Calhoun or a Jack Dawson remember that the actors portraying these characters have problems just like we do…sometimes MORE!!!